What do I do now?
by NoOneImportantHere
Summary: Carl is now 21. His life has been unpleasant. He has not adjusted well. At all.


"How much did you have to drink, kid?"

"Just one *hic*...maybe."

"I counted three. Three bottles, not glasses, BOTTLES."

"..."

"I'm getting you home, kid."

"I don't have a home. And I'm not a kid."

"Well, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Last calls over."

"...Can I get another bottle to go. It's my birthday."

"Your license said twenty-two, right?"

"Twenty-one."

"This is the first time you've ever gotten drunk, wasn't it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, you got two things to look foward to."

"What are they?"

"Tomorrow; a hangover. Today; getting kicked out of a bar drunk. Get out."

* * *

Carl's first experience with alcohol was a relatively unimpressive one. He found the taste of beer dull and couldn't understand the appeal. He hazard to guess that if he drank more he would start to understand. He didn't. In fact he felt horrid. Was he what people called a "lightweight" or did he just dislike alcoholic beverages? He didn't know or care at this point and just wanted to find a place to rest. He didn't have a home so he went for the next best thing. "Hope they don't mind. *hic* If I throw up on the floor I'll probably get fined. Oh, who cares at this point."

The Guild wasn't the most ideal place to sleep but at least it was something. He'd seen the place countless times during the day but never once at night. The need just never came up. Well to be more specific, he'd seen 23 identical Guild's throughout the entire world countless times. The number of visits varied but they were all built relatively the same so it honestly didn't matter which one it was. The same benches, same maps, same wanted posters, same same same. Of course if you were to point out right now that the chairs had a different insignia in every city or that the wanted posters were different Carl would just tell you to stop. He didn't care about details right now. All that mattered was sleep and that bench next to the wanted posters was calling his name.

"I wonder what the other Vigilantes will think when they find me. Probably laugh *yawn*...I would." Carl closed his eyes and tried to relax. He slowly sat down and let out a sign. Leaning his head back and letting his arms dangle Carl prepared to enter REM sleep.

"Still, still, still," he slowly began to sing a lullaby his mother use to sing during Christmas. He wasn't a very good singer but any little bit helped. "Weil's Kindlein schlafen will. Bei dem Kripplein musizieren...stille, stille, stille, Weil's Kindlein...schlafen will..." Slowly he fell. Slower and slower. "Schlaf...Schlaf...sch..." Slower and slower until..."Laf...laf...zzz."

Breath In. Breath Out. Breath In. Breath Out.

* * *

"Are you enjoying your sleep Carl?"

"I was. Until you showed up." If only the glass wall separating the two of us wasn't in my way. I could take the old man by the neck and strangle him. I could do it forever and ever. Never stopping. Never needing to. "How's solitary confinement treating you? Give any officers a nice long lecture on the meaningless of life?"

"Nothing so cliche. I'm reformed remember. I no longer plot such hopeless schemes."

"True Evil can not be reformed. The Devil can not repent for his sins." They say he changed but that was all bullshit. He tried to destory the world. He lost his family because of this man. He ruined the lives of everyone he ever held dear. Why did this damn wall have to separate them?! He was older now and finally had the means to end this monsters life, SO WHY?! IT WASN"T FUCKING FAIR!

"Your right. I can never make up for what I did. I'll live in this cell for the rest of my life with no hope of ever seeing the outside again. And even then it won't be enough."

"You got off easy. I should've killed you when I had the chance." I could break this wall. Who the fuck is going to stop me? The officers here are pathetic and lazy. If he really wanted to he could break out whenever he wanted.

"Many people have said the same. At least I'm in good company. Kokonoe is in the cellblock down the hall from mine. Of course, she is in little mood for a friendly game of chess. Do you still play chess, Carl?"

"Everyday." Why haven't you tried to breakout yet? Why are you playing the prisoner? What's your plan? What's your angle? WHY ARE YOU FUCKING WITH MY HEAD?!

"I remember our games. You would always try to stay one step ahead of me but it never worked out. You never won a single match against me. Perhaps we should have a match sometime and see how well we hold up."

"...Alright." LET ME KILL YOU! PLEASE! IT'S THE ONLY THING IN THE WORLD I WANT ANYMORE!

"Carl, your birthday is in another week. How are you going to spend it?"

"Amane is throwing me a party. Everyone seems really excited about it." I'm just going to drink myself to death. Nobody has any idea where I am right now. They haven't heard from me in over a month. Please. Just let me kill you.

"I'm glad. At least you've moved on with your life."

"You're right. You're nothing to me now." Let me kill you.

"As it should be. I deserve to be remembered as a monster and a failure. I'll never be anything else."

"I'm glad you understand. It looks like my times up. Goodbye." Kill you...

"Farewell Carl. Hopefully when you next visit I'll have gotten Kokonoe to play a few rounds of chess. Send her my regards if you visit her next."

"Right." Kill...

.

.

.

Me.

* * *

Carl's eyes shot open as he awoke from his dream. It was a from a week ago when he visited that man for the first time in five years. His failed attempt at confronting his monster. He had planned out the entire conversation in his head for years. The things he would say to him. The things he would do. But none of it happened. He hadn't slept the night before and had fallen asleep right when they had brought him in. When he woke up he greeted him with a warm smile and politely asked if he was having a nice sleep. He was polite and didn't even try to antagonize. It was shorter then expected and Carl had left that man in a rush. Nothing had gone the way Carl had planned. Everything felt wrong.

"What time is it?" Carl turned to the large glowing clock in the middle of the Guild. Horologium Ars. "Always with the latin." The Ars was never deactivated and always had that nauseating glow that goes along it. And at every hour the damn thing pulsed the stupid green glow. "I hate green. I'm putting a request for a color change. Maybe blue." However he felt about the color what was important was the time. 3:33 AM. "Still too early."

Carl looked up at the ceiling, staring at the mural that covered the entire surface. So many little details no one in their right mind would notice. The Four Vigilantes' Agreements were written down on every edge of the ceiling. Of course it was written in latin because fuck you the NOL likes latin for some reason. And right smack dab in the middle was an obnoxiously large NOL insignia. Everything else may as well not exist at all with the sheer size of it. "Always above us. Always bigger. Of course." And once upon a time he was set to be part of it. "I would've been just like him."

Carl got up from the bench and walked toward the restroom. It seems it was time to relieve himself from this alcohol induced night. The way he walked was staggered and unfocused. _'I'm lucky I didn't pass out on the way here. I never want to feel this way again.'_

After finishing all he needed to in the bathroom and finally experiencing the long awaited "vomiting portion" of alcohol abuse he returned to the bench. Reaching into his pocket he fulled out a handfull of "NOL Authorized Breath Mints" and popped them in his mouth. In Carl's opinion, so far being twenty-one was one of the most disgusting things he'd ever done. _'It's my own fault anyway. This was an all around terrible idea.'_ As Carl looked up he could see the clock now read 4:02 AM. "Still too early."

With little else to do Carl thought back to how his friends must be feeling right now. _'They're definitly worried. Amane and whole troupe are probably going in circles. Bang's looking through every nook and cranny. Makoto's probably got Intelligence doing all they can to find me. It won't be much longer until I'm found. Or maybe nothings happening and they don't care. I doubt that though.'_ He tried to image what they must all be feeling. _'Confusion most likely. Noel might be having a panic attack while Tsubaki stays level headed. Jin could give less of a shit but is probably looking anyway because Makoto or Tsubaki asked him. Litchi probably thinks I've already up and killed myself by now and is fearing the worst. Tao is...Tao is...I don't know how Tao feels about me. Ever since she hit what I can assume is Kaka Cat puberty, she has been incredibly difficult to read. She most likely misses the free food. Yeah, I'll go with that.'_

With only an hour left till six Carl left the Guild. As he exited the building he looked up at the moon. The sun would rise soon and he'd have to continue on his way. "I'll most likely have to pay some kind of fine. I don't believe they allow Vigilante's to sleep on the premises. It's not a big loss anyway."

"Are you always in the habit of talking to yourself? If your trying to seem insane you're doing a rather good job at it."

"Hello Witch. What can I do for you today?" Out from the recesses of time and space appeared one Rachel Alucard. As she appeared so too did the pungent smell of roses. "You hear to reveal some secret info about my greater destiny or to drag me back to my friends?"

"The latter. And do not refer to me as a witch. I am a Sorceress and will be addressed with respect. I am Lady Alucard or Mistress Rachel to you, child." In the seven years Carl had know Rachel she had changed little. Both in appearance and manners. Oh joy to be Carl right now.

"I'm taller then you "Mistress Rachel". I think the minute that happened the term child no longer applied to me."

"To me you have been and always will be a child. Only children would think running away from their problems to be an adequate solution to anything."

"I wasn't running away. I just left. It's not a big deal. I'm an adult. Everyone will understand." Carl looked back at the moon and tried to see if he saw a man, a face or a rabbit.

"Leaving without a word. Disappearing into the night like some kind of gentleman thief. Arsène Lupin you most certainly are not. Do you still fail to comprehend how important you are to some people or are you being purposefully oblivious?"

"It's been two months. It's not the end of the world." He wasn't sure what to focus on. He wanted to see the man but could only see the rabbit.

"And when you disappeared for two years you went from a cheerfull young boy to a sociopathic vigilante. Due try to see it from everyone elses perspective."

"..." _'Ada, what would you do if you were still here? I don't know what to do with myself anymore. You and Mother are gone and Father will remain in prison for the rest of his life. I don't have anything now. I'm nothing now.'_

"You are still so much of a child. You break out into tears the moment you are forced to face your problems. I can hardly say you've grown at all." Tears stained the poor man's face. He looked at the moon and tried to see the man even as his vision became more clouded.

 _'Sis, I miss you so much. Why can't you came back to me. Mother, tell me what to now. Father, please help me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to grow up without you. Please, come back.'_ The man fell to knees and cried hot tears. His whole body began to go numb.

"Your sister is gone. The family you knew is no more. You're only choice is to move foward."

 _'I'm scared. I don't want to die alone. It hurts so much.'_ The vampire stepped in front of the man and put her arms around his head. He cried into her dress sobbing all the while.

"It's time to return home. It's your birthday today. You should be with the people that love you. Cry all your tears and then greet them with a smile."

 _'I don't know what to do. It hurts. Sis, please hold me. Somebody hold me.'_

"I'll hold you for as long as you need. Just let it out. I'm here with you. We're all here with you."

.

.

.

 _'Somebody kill me.'_

* * *

 **Author's Note: This fic is all over the place isn't it. I don't know why I wrote it this way but I guess it could have been worse. Hope this did something for somebody. Feel free to review. I've never written a fic like this before so if it's bad feel free to say so. Personally, the ending feels rushed.**

 **Blazblue is property of Arc System Works.**


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